Amy: I’m picking the bills off my imaginary money-tree as I type this.
Britt: speaking of buying… let’s engage in the daily stress ritual of checking the online account, shall we?
Britt: that’s always fun
Amy: Oh no… that’s ok, you go on ahead, I’ll catch up. I’m going to stay back here in Denial. It’s a nice place where the drinks are free, the waiters are cute, and I have absolutely zero body fat.
Britt: hahahahaha
Amy: Ahhh, Fridays were made for witty conversations.
Britt: oh look! a bunch of charges i don’t recognize!
Britt: yay!
Amy: *sigh* Fine…
Amy: Oh look! I made the car payment by the skin of my teeth! Yippee. And… wait… more good news… there is about $25.00 left in the bank. Woot!!!
Amy: I don’t like this game… let’s play something else.
Britt: hahahahahahahahahahahahaha
Categories: Brilliant Ideas, Senseless Banter
Avitable: yo
Britt: hey
Britt: shopping for cars and on the phone with brandy
Avitable: fun!
Britt: i don’t know why i call her, seriously
Avitable: you called HER?
Britt: yes
Avitable: crazy fucker
Britt: hey, check out this convertible!
Avitable: 2001 sebring
Avitable: yeah, that’s practical
Avitable: and safe
Britt: it’s not like i’m rolling down the fucking interstate!
Avitable: but you do drive down the interstate
Avitable: and can you fit groceries in the trunk?
Britt: yes, but, i will be hot in it
Britt: which is what counts
Avitable: true
Britt: k, what about this jag?
Avitable: There you go!
Avitable: except you know what they say about Jags, right?
Britt: that i will have sex with anyone who owns one??
Avitable: you need two, so that you have one to drive when the other is at the mechanic’s
Britt: ohhh
Britt: yeah, wrong adage
Britt: never heard that
Avitable: you’ll have sex with anyone who can drive a car
Avitable: who are you kidding?
Avitable: whore.
Britt: oohh - here’s a Mercedes!
Avitable: that’s a really low price
Avitable: i wonder why
Avitable: because that seems like a fucking cool car
Britt: i know
Britt: ooooh, i’m gonna get a hot tub AND a mercedes before you!
Britt: jared says now he’s buying it for sure, lol
Avitable: you are such a dogfucker
Britt: he’s calling the guy to make an offer
Avitable: me first!
Britt: i’m sorry, what did you say? you want a ride?
Avitable: I think the company has just about that much cash
Avitable: and we do need a company car
Avitable: for the top salesperson/CEO
Avitable: AKA me.
Britt: how about this one?
Avitable: another jag?
Britt: i love jags
Britt: and a red jag?
Avitable: they suck, though
Britt: come on, i could just call home and say, yeah, i just bought a jag
Britt: and that would be worth it
Avitable: how about “mom, i just bought a nice, sensible volvo”
Avitable: that sounds good, too
Britt: fuck you
Britt: shit this crap is all starting to look the same
Britt: why don’t you stay up and research and find me a good, cheap, expensive looking car?
Avitable: why don’t you go suck jared’s dick?
Britt: cuz i don’t like the taste
Britt: now, what’s your excuse?
Avitable: i don’t like the taste either.
Categories: Our Version of Friendly Support
Avitable: so, did your car fit in the garage?
Britt: yep!
Britt: and we should be able to get a car in too with a little more cleaning out
Britt: so that’s good
Avitable: so apparently jared’s the one with spatial issues?
Britt: lol, yep
Britt: jared says fuck off
Avitable: hehe
Avitable: was he trying to park the truck in the garage sideways?
Britt: LOL, no
Britt: the trailblazer didn’t fit on the other side - where all the heater shit is
Britt: it barely fits on the one side
Britt: so, he’s only half retarded
Avitable: so between the two of you, you make a full-blown retard?
Britt: and his truck won’t fit with the ladder on top
Britt: apparently dustin told him right away that bar could come out that they have to put it in for inspection
Britt: by the way, “bar” is jared’s word
Britt: it’s a POST, not a bar
Avitable: the concrete thingy?
Avitable: (thingy is my word for it)
Britt: it’s metal, actually
Avitable: metal thingy, then.
Avitable: that’s its official name
Britt: yes, exactly
Britt: the metal thingy can come out if we need to do our thingy
Avitable: exactly
Avitable: i was just watching that thing about that guy, too.
Britt: yeah, that was good
Britt: funny, you know, when he was talking about that stuff?
Britt: laughed so hard at that one part
Avitable: yeah, that was hilarious.
Avitable: i almost did that thing that i do
Britt: i love that
Britt: not like that other thing
Britt: i hate that other thing
Britt: stinks up the whole room
Avitable: everybody farts
Categories: Paradoxical Conversations
Britt: i’m going to go eat my left over hot dog and cottage cheese
Amy: Ewwww.
Britt: yeah, isn’t low carb GREAT?!?!?
Amy: I can’t stand hot dogs.
Amy: Yeah, I need to jump back on the low carb wagon. I’m having a bitch of a time doing that. Of course, nine pounds of chocolate showing up at my door has not helped.
Britt: lol
Britt: 
Britt: well, i have three swimsuits in my dresser that won’t fit until i lose the 5 lbs i’ve gained back
Amy: Poor baby… you and your bikinis. Pfft. I don’t even remember the last time I bought a swimsuit.
Britt: i can’t WEAR one pieces amy
Britt: i’m too short
Britt: i look like a hobbit or something
Britt: i look like lycra with thighs
Britt: it’s… it’s… it’s tragic, really
Categories: Senseless Banter, Our Version of Friendly Support
Amy: Sup bitch?
Avitable: howdy
Amy: Howdy???
Amy: WHo are you and what have you done to Adam?
Avitable: 
Avitable: all these midwesterners in here must have screwed me up
Amy: Please, God, tell me you aren’t wearing ass-less chaps.
Avitable: hahahha
Avitable: not now
Avitable: maybe earlier
Amy: Earlier? Or later? And, do I get video?
Avitable: no video - we burned the tape
Amy: For Christmas… I want a neon ass-less chap dance.
Amy: You and Jared… with hats. Big hats.
Categories: Brilliant Ideas, Senseless Banter
Amy: Did the closing go ok? (regarding Britt’s new house)
Avitable: yup!
Amy: So she’s moving in now?
Avitable: as we speak
Avitable: i’m on my way
Amy: Woo hoo!!!!
Amy: Give her a hug for me, please!!!
Avitable: will do
Amy: Tell her I said - “whew! now we can shop!!!”
Amy: LOL
Amy: And tell her I miiiiiiiiiiiiiissssssss her!!!!
Amy: And that you have been a craptacular Brittstitute.
Categories: Senseless Banter, Our Version of Friendly Support
Amy: How about this one?
Britt: lol
Britt: holy
Britt: fuck
Amy: Found this in a catalog today and immediately thought of you.
Amy: Too expensive?
Britt: that is PERFECT!!!!!!!
Britt: yes
Britt: too expensive
Amy: Shit.
Britt: lol
Britt: but PERFECT!!!!!!!!!
Amy: Sorry. I thought it was less than the other one you found.
Britt: EXACTLY what i’m looking for
Amy: I didn’t think the price was that bad and they had the darker color you wanted.
Britt: it’s almost a thousand bucks!
Britt: the description says it has wood doors though - and i’m not seeing that
Amy: I am in love with this piece -
Amy: It has wood or glass doors - you can choose.
Britt: also, my end tables are darker - so i could go with a cherry or a rubbed black
Britt: oooh, that is pretty
Amy: Yes, and only $400
Britt: heh, much better price
Britt: but that first piece you sent me is perfect
Britt: exactly the kind of thing i’m looking for - EXACTLY
Amy: I know!
Britt: so… why don’t you find that for me CHEAP
Amy: Uh hum… well, I thought that was cheap.
Categories: Brilliant Ideas, Our Version of Friendly Support
avitable: amy got in the car to drive to work and called me to let me know that the whole car reeks of smoke now.
britt: oh crap
britt: i’m sorry
britt: i told you i shouldn’t be smoking in there!
avitable: you did?
britt: um - YES!
avitable: i don’t remember you telling me that
britt: cuz you said “oh, no, you can smoke in here, it’s fine”
britt: oh whatever, i would NEVER smoke in a non-smoker’s car normally
avitable: i think that’s your imagination
avitable: you had an entirely fictional conversation in your head!
britt: oh you fucking bitch
avitable: “sweetie, i tried to stop her, but she was like a mad fiend”
avitable: “she threatened to burn me!”
britt: i’m going to stab you
Categories: Senseless Banter, Paradoxical Conversations
britt:hi!
britt:where’s your camera whore?
avitable: it’s on
avitable: i moved to the table so i can watch tv while i work
britt: ah
avitable: i wanted to watch Marie Antoinette, but I wanted to work, too
britt: ah
avitable: is it gay that i’ve been looking forward to this movie since it came out?
britt:yes
britt:actually
britt:my first response was going to be “jesus you’re gay”
avitable: hahahhahaha
avitable:i love sofia coppola
avitable:and kirsten dunst
britt:that’s not helping
avitable: hehehe
britt: it’s ok
britt:IDJYF
britt: i love gay boys
britt: that’s why you’re such a good girlfriend
avitable:your cam froze
britt: no it didn’t
avitable: hm
britt: i’m frozen in shock
britt:by your gayness
avitable:hehehehe
britt: yeah, that’s a lie
britt: your gayness no longer shocks me
avitable: you accept it noww
Categories: Senseless Banter
britt: woo hoo!! i have internet!!!
katie: hey britt this is katie right now, my mom is outside talking to sum1 when she gets in ill tell her u imed her,srry! how are you?
britt: oh ok, thanks
britt: i’m good
britt: just got my internet back so i’m swimsuit shopping
katie: lol! that sounds like fun!
britt: well it’s more fun than trying them on in the store
britt: they all good look online
katie: ohhh ya, i guess!
britt: shut up katie
britt: don’t pretend to understand the horrors of shopping fat
britt: lol
katie: YOUR NOT FAT
britt: oh god i hope you know i’m kidding
britt: lol
britt: i’m.. uh… lumpy
katie: i do, no your not!
britt: sweetie, don’t make me show you the mommy pooch and celluthighs
britt: it would scar you for life
katie: W/E
katie: lol
britt: lol
katie: where r u looking for swimsuits at?
britt: newport-news
britt: your mom sent it to me
britt: one of the few CHEAP sites she’s sent me
britt: that woman has expensive taste
britt: and a weak “bargain” gene
katie: i know, but its good for me!
britt: lol, that’s true
katie: did she send you ae.com?
britt: i don’t know if i could fit into ae
katie: i bet you could
britt: holy crap
britt: my underwear is bigger than those bottoms
britt: the shaving alone involved would be too labor intensive to even think about
britt: god you poor girl…
katie: lol, you could try store.alloy.com
katie: why?
britt: why what?
katie: why am i a poor girl>
britt: oh, because you shouldn’t have to listen to the crap i spew
katie: lol its ok, trust me, ive heard worse, try shopping with my mom, and nana!!!
britt: i can’t imagine anything like that coming out of your nana’s mouth
katie: ya ok
katie: W/E
katie: hey i g2g bye! ttyl!
britt: bye!
Categories: Senseless Banter
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